The Torment, The Remembering.

At times it escapes me:

How will I survive...

In a panic...

The panic, and the pain.

Consuming, unholy fire.

Demanding an answer--

Threatening recourses...

"Desperate times", they say...

Well, 'desperate measures', I declare.

Lord, how will I survive myself?

Wails and moans, and

Moans and wails.

Oh, Ramah. I hear you.

Millions of nerve endings on fire...

Electrocuting me.

We rise on the coaster in glee,

Again.

A jelly fish not immune to its own-

Touching me all over, and

Smothering me, all over

Again.

Running into His tower for my relief.

Always my relief,

You are.

They don't understand.

It's okay.

They don't understand me.

It's okay, baby.

They don't understand my existence.

It is well, Marie.

Pupil mia.

Preciosa hija.

Indeed.

Glorious.

And, I swoon.

As I remember.

Why.

Treasure.

Comfort.

Worth it.

Worthy.

love.

Remembering

God, such sweet remembering,

As He calls to me...

Whispering of realities unfathomable to me in my distress...

Thrive. Never settle. Oh, we will thrive. Remember those sunflowers? Remember Me, Marie.

I am not strong enough.

I am.

I am not safe.

I am.

I am not able.

Yes, you are.

In Me, with Me, you are much more than capable.

Look at My hand--how it holds you, upholding you again...

Upholding you always.

You know Me. Will you walk the path back?

So amusingly provoking me, teasing me--

You know that I would never, as long as You are mine.

Bristling in conviction and absolution and zeal.

Encouraged.

I hear my bells calling to me...

Oh, such sweet bells.

The temperature of the water suddenly changes.

Filling me with glee again,

Ring, ring

Marie, ring, ring.

Ring, ring, Marie.

Screams of pleasure amidst the pain.

Only the why could even manage it...

In awe.

Calling me out of the tomb again...

Calling me Out of the dungeon again.

Indeed, I know how.

I remember how.

I do remember, now.

Settling more deply into my grounding each time,

Who would have thought it....

Grateful to be alive,

For my why.

Marie MFT